How to get the fiance into shooting?

[Petamocto]

One year ago I was in the same position you were in, except with a wife of a decade. I was very much fighting a "Never going to happen in my house" mindset.

What worked for me was having a guy who knew a lot more about guns than I do come over and basically teach her a streamlined process of what we teach in the Army for an introduction to firearms. Same concepts to enforce an environment of safety, like first bringing up that there is no ammo present, first explaining how guns work with pictures only, designating a safe area, and then finally bringing some out.

Then it was on to getting comfortable holding them, and eventually the marksmanship principles of how to effectively shoot the things. That process was a whole evening on a Friday night, and Saturday we went to a proper range. She started off with a 22LR on a bipod from 25m, and by the afternoon she was shooting 9mm pistols, and an M14 from the standing.

She absolutely loved it, and for her what she loves is that it's a big stress reliever from the hours she spends every day in an office environment, and being annoyed at people over Excel and Powerpoint.

Because of that day, I got my PAL last summer, last fall I got three rifles (including a 22LR Remington 597 for her), and I just got my R-PAL, bought a Glock, and I'm about to buy an AR15 and a 22 revolver. The only real stipulation was that they had to be uuber secured when not in use (which is 99% of the time), and I wasn't going sit there in my chair hugging them while watching TV. And that they are, always unloaded, in redundant heavily locked cases, with ammo in a separate area, and the kids will never see where the keys are.

This has all happened in one year, and my wife started off very much as an anti. Not a fanatic about it, but definitely on the other side of the fence.

[harbl_the_cat]

A few points to add - I think it's important to genuinely convince your fiancée that even in a moment of rage, you will never resort to violence towards her AND your gun ownership will never be a source of danger in your relationship.

My wife knew I was a gun nut when we were dating and just before we were engaged, I had the honour of having my guns taken away by the police through a false, malicious public-safety call made by a personal opponent. My fiancée stuck with me through the court proceedings (which made me know she the one - because that was 6 months of pure hell and I would not have gotten through it without her).

After I got everything back, I became an even bigger gun nut than before but instituted an absolutely unequivocal personal philosophy to NEVER appear threatening or violent to anyone and to do everything in my power to NOT alienate or make enemies.

Especially to those I love, but also to people I just met.

The most important thing to do that is to properly manage relationships with EVERYONE.

I try to not quarrel with or transgress with ANYONE, and when I do, to genuinely seek to make amends.

When it comes to guns the BIGGEST danger isn't from misuse, negligence, or accidents. It's from the government sending agents to take them away from you.

As it stands, the way they do that is by taking advantage of the fact that people have falling outs with one another.

Ambiguously restrictive laws and snitch lines are setup with which the State can justify sending in tac-teams to bust down your door in the middle of the night, hold you up at gun point, hog-tie you in front of your neighbours, cart off your cherished personal property as if it were trash, and shame and terrorise your entire family.

If you have ANY personal enemies make sure you realize that at any point in time, they can call the RCMP and file a baseless public safety concern against you and make that a reality.

Make friends, not enemies. Foster a mentality that makes it clear that such is a priority to you.

If you have guns and act like a bad*ss, that doesn't bode well for you, and it probably doesn't do much to lay your fiancée's fears to rest. (It also sets you up to get your guns taken away from you by the government).

When we were first married, my wife was VERY concerned that this might happen again. In fact, that was the biggest resistance I got from here when it came to owning guns. She has seen how I have reformed my personality and now she just shrugs her shoulder and laughs it off when Canada Post drops off, big, heavy brown boxes.

[harbl_the_cat]

So a thought to my above post.

For guys, remember you're playing with fire when you mix romantic relationships with private gun ownership.

That's not to be discouraging - but I personally got burnt and I know a few guys that got burnt too and also had their guns taken away due to a messy breakup/divorce.

With a fiancée in particular, it's NOT enough to just get her into shooting. You HAVE to get her into understanding and accepting what the lifestyle of gun ownership entails. Sadly - it entails the possibility of armed government raids on your private property and the threat of jail-time over victimless paper-crimes (at worst). That said, it also entails the possibility of being part of a very exciting and fun community which I honestly belief offsets the risk of government violence (at best).

What I would also recommend is to get involved with an active club that has large events for membership - matches, fun shoots, BBQ's, fundraisers, etc. This is a bit of a generalization, but I think women are generally more community minded then men are, so it really sets their minds at ease about something seeing other's (and particularly other women) doing it too.

Moreover, with a wife/fiancée ALWAYS build and maintain that relationship above any and all other relationships. Make it the priority and if it ever seems like it's in jeopardy, do everything in your power to restore and rebuild it.

For me personally, I KNOW if I ever lose my wife, I lose ALL my guns (and I have a lot of guns). As seriously as I take gun ownership - I take my marriage even more seriously.

[awndray]

For me personally, I KNOW if I ever lose my wife, I lose ALL my guns (and I have a lot of guns).

I'm not sure I follow.

[Strewth]

Doh. Just realized someone had revitalized this thread, so my info is now likely obsolete.

Why would it be obsolete? Very good description of how to accustom the uninitiated to firearms (or really, any new/scary thing)? If at all possible, starting away from the firing line of the rifle range is best, and sitting in one's comfort zone of their living room is a great place to start.

I'm not sure I follow.

Me either? Are you worried your (after much trying, presumably now to become ex-)wife will scream blue bloody murder and get your stuff taken? Always have a buddy you can store your guns at?

[Petamocto]

Doh. Just realized someone had revitalized this thread, so my info is now likely obsolete.

[harbl_the_cat]

Doh. Just realized someone had revitalized this thread, so my info is now likely obsolete.

I don't know, it sounded reasonable to me.

[Steveo9mm]

2 words.... Walking Dead

[hercster]

"For me personally, I KNOW if I ever lose my wife, I lose ALL my guns (and I have a lot of guns). As seriously as I take gun ownership - I take my marriage even more seriously."

Huh ????

I've been married 47 years to the same woman and have always hidden things from her. My Dinky Toy and Wonder Woman collections will NEVER be found!!

If you want to give your marriage a good test, forget about guns and confess to something you did 22 years ago while in a stupor from your chemical of choice.

I'm not saying fabricate a total snow job but "storm troopers" at the door ?? Really ??

Unless it's totally safe, everything I say or do is carefully packaged by the PR / HR expert who lives in the back of my head. I didn't survive 47 years by being stupid.

[harbl_the_cat]

"For me personally, I KNOW if I ever lose my wife, I lose ALL my guns (and I have a lot of guns). As seriously as I take gun ownership - I take my marriage even more seriously."

Huh ????

I've been married 47 years to the same woman and have always hidden things from her. My Dinky Toy and Wonder Woman collections will NEVER be found!!

If you want to give your marriage a good test, forget about guns and confess to something you did 22 years ago while in a stupor from your chemical of choice.

I'm not saying fabricate a total snow job but "storm troopers" at the door ?? Really ??

Unless it's totally safe, everything I say or do is carefully packaged by the PR / HR expert who lives in the back of my head. I didn't survive 47 years by being stupid.

I hide things from my wife too BUT I don't do or hide anything that would seriously undermine or marriage.

These days, a lot of people are getting into serious romantic relationships without much long term consideration or commitment. A lot of these relationships are ending on bad terms, with one, both or multiple parties walking away with a lot of resentment and hostility towards one another.

As a gun owner, that's got to be one of the most dangerous places to be in because an angry ex has a LOT of power to get the State to take away a man's guns.

That's why I think it's important to make sure I maintain my marriage and I feel being a gun owner really enriches and causes our marriage to stay strong and grow stronger.

I'm no different than any man. I have my temptations and short comings - but if I had an affair my wife would never forgive me, run off with our children, and probably call the RCMP to take away my guns.

Furthermore, if I ignore my wife, grow distant and cold with her - eventually, I know she'll fall out of love with me and be in the right to want to separate from me - again not a place I want to be in.

Lastly (although not exclusively) if I do something unbelievably stupid - like max out a line of credit or credit card on a handful of really cool guns that I would have to pay interest on - she would be infuriated, think I'm crazy and start having doubts about or marriage.

The point I'm getting at is a healthy marriage (or steady relationship - whatever you want to call it) is absolutely critical above and beyond just getting the partner to like shooting.

It also helps getting the partner to understand and accept it. I have a great relationship with my wife and she accepts that I volunteer as a match director for days at a time, or that once a week I'll go shooting, or that I'll go to board meetings once a month.

It doesn't make her happy, but I make sure I do other things to make her happy, such as:
-buy her a house
-build up enough of an income that she can be a stay at home Mom and homeschool our kids
-compliment her regularly
-tell her how much I love her, how beautiful she is and how happy she makes me
-don't complain endlessly about how crappy my day is (that's what this place is for)
-reassure and encourage her that she's doing the right thing
-listen to her when she tells me what's on her mind, what worries her, and what her problems are
-try not to judge, criticize, or try to offer an opinion about her problems unless she explicitly asks for it
-carry out whatever reasonable task she asks me to do (take out the garbage, install shelves, call the cable company, etc.)
-take her out on romantic dates every once in a while
-take care of the kids when she feels overwhelmed so she can get time to recuperate